At my son’s school, they have a sweet little pledge. The first line is “Respectful, responsible, and ready to learn.” This sounds great but on closer inspection, I want to know what ‘respectful’ means.
Being ‘respectful’ is a lofty concept. Respect in school probably means something different than respect at home. Respect in our culture means something very, very different than in many other cultures around the world. I recently asked my son what being ‘respectful’ means and he said, “I know what it means but I can’t explain it.”
As a therapist, when I start a group, I often ask kids what our group rules or guidelines should be. I often hear “be respectful’. The kids I work with are hearing this at school, and likely at home, as well. When I ask what ‘respectful’ means, I often get a blank stare. Sometimes, someone will say “not talking when others are talking.” But mostly, they aren’t really sure.
So we define respect and what it means to be respectful in our group. It often means not talking with others are talking, keeping our hands to ourselves, paying attention when someone else is sharing, and not making silly faces or doing something distracting when someone is sharing or instructions are given. Respect and being respectful sometimes needs to be re-defined as our group meets, and sometimes we need to add to it as the group evolves.
I often hear parents say that their child is ‘disrespectful’. I always ask what that means to them. For some parents, respect has a long list of do’s and don’ts. For other parents, the list is shorter. For kids who have parents raised in other cultures, the rules are even more confusing. For instance, at home it may be disrespectful to look directly at your parent or grandparent. At school, looking at your teacher and making eye contact is one way to show respect.
If you are a parent or a teacher who often uses the word ‘respect’ make sure you have defined it very well. Don’t assume children will understand what it means to you in your home, or your classroom. Spell it out. Make it clear and write it down and post it. Clearly defining what you mean will make it so much easier for the little ones in your life who are trying so hard to get everything right.
Choose To Thrive 